Encounter-centered Couples Transformation (ECCT)
I studied for over three years with Hedy Schleifer, a Master Couples Therapist, to attain my certification in Encounter-centered Couples Transformation. This remarkable technology helps couples restore their essence and reclaim their marriages and repair the relational space that has become polluted over the course of time.
Hedy Schleifer has created a fresh and innovative methodology, called Encounter-centered Couples Transformation, that synthesizes the work of many contributors, including John Bradshaw, CREATING AND MAINTAINING HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS, Harville Hendrix, IMAGO, Lori Gordon, PAIRS (PRACTICAL APPLICATIONS FOR INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP SKILLS), and the philosophy of Martin Buber, as well as many others. Hedy Schleifer is a renowned international couples counselor who delivers workshops for couples all over the world.
Martin Buber, the Jewish philosopher, said that we are wired for connection. When we disconnect, we go into crisis. It is then that the relational space in which the couple lives with their children becomes polluted. Couples go deep into each other’s worlds by crossing the bridge to their partner’s neighborhood and seeing perhaps, for the first time, their partner’s essence and authentic self that they may never have known before. It teaches presence, encounter, and connection in a way that really works. The couple learns how to exchange their survival roles for their authentic selves, so they are no longer stuck in their unhealthy dynamic of existence. I have witnessed many transformations that were previously unattainable through other therapeutic interventions.
Certified PAIRS (Practical Application of Intimate Relationship Skills)
Founded by Lori Gordon, Ph.D., PAIRS (Practical Application of Intimate Relationship Skills), provides opportunities for change and growth in couples. PAIRS teaches couples how to move their relationship forward through better communication, resulting in a deeper understanding. The tools provided by a PAIRS LEADER help facilitate couples through their conflicts, giving each partner a better understanding of the needs and wounds of the other.
Often, our history complicates our present and dictates our future. By learning how to discharge the anger, hurt, and fears of our childhood, we can clear a new path for love and commitment in our present relationships. Simple exercises and ground rules for FAIR FIGHTING help couples deal respectfully and effectively with one another. It teaches them to honor the pain and shame each brings to a relationship, unwittingly. It offers new approaches to addressing old issues. It fosters tolerance and intimacy, resulting in a deeper love for one another.
Based on the contributions of many psychologists and psychotherapists, PAIRS synthesizes the work of expert clinicians who have developed their own theories and ideas, each of which has been part of a comprehensive system of techniques. PAIRS is the collaboration of all these combined.
Having been a PAIRS LEADER since 1997, I feel confident that this model can effectuate positive change in couples who are willing to commit to the process. PAIRS coupled with ECCT couples therapy leads to greater understanding and resolution in all impaired couples who want to heal their relationships.
*Another facet of Encounter-centered Couples Transformation is called THE GOOD-BYE PROCESS. Derived from Imago Therapy, it provides closure for those couples who choose to separate or divorce. They will learn how to release old resentments and experience constructive closure: a healing way to end their relationship.
Through this process, the couple learns they can be friends, even after divorce. They learn a new way to be connected and proceed in their lives with added relational understanding and maturity. If the couple has children, they will increase and strengthen their parenting skills.
Some couples suddenly see the possibility of a new way to be connected. They will say goodbye with honor, dignity, and respect to their relationship and each other. Perhaps this is hard to imagine, but it works!
REPAIR AFTER THE AFFAIR
It is very common for couples to experience an affair during the lifetime of a marriage. In most cases, this results in divorce; however, this is not always necessary. Given effective counseling by a trained couple’s therapist, the results may NOT be tragic. ECCT provides a very specialized technology to help couples heal from this infraction in the relationship and “repair after the affair.”