Having been a single parent with five teenagers at the same time, managing motherhood, career, marriages, divorces, lovers and friendships, I sometimes felt as if I had slipped into an abyss of infinite space. So many times I asked myself, Who am I? What is my purpose in this life? How do I define myself in these changing times? Am I a feminist, or just "an old fashioned girl?" Is it possible to stay married until death do us part? What's the matter with me? Why can't I?

So often I would hear women in my practice ask, Can I really manage motherhood and career, and at what price? Should I sacrifice career for children or visa versa? Is the Super Mom a myth or a reality? Is 40 too late to begin a family? Is love forever? And I would wonder and reflect, Did the myth of romance give rise to love addiction? Do we need a man to feel worthy as a woman? Can we make it in a man's world? Can we maintain our balance between empowerment and femininity? And, can we maintain our femininity without giving up or subjugating our rights, our needs, our wishes and our dreams or becoming right wing evangelistic feminists? Can we trust men? Do they really want intimacy and commitment and can they handle it? These are some of the questions asked by so many different women, all resonating with the same theme. . . Can the Myth of the Maiden maintain itself in the 21st century? And how much damage has it caused? Are we beyond the myth or have we merely imposed new ones?

Simone DeBeauvoir once said, "One is not born a woman, one becomes a women." What is that "becoming"? The life of a woman in the world I grew up in, was mostly a state and did not have the movement of a journey. We were defined by our roles and how well we performed. It seemed as though our human doingness mattered more than our human beingness. And yet, none of us ever reflected upon this, at least not while it was happening. Perhaps, I am distinguished from the generations of women who preceded me in that I was afforded the opportunity to explore the needs of myself, make decisions and bear the consequences, not out of conscious choice, but rather an outcome of circumstances. And, not without great cost to both my children and myself. This is my story, the story of a woman like most of you. The story of my time as I grew and changed to meet the demands of my evolving self, coping with the new uncertainties of the swiftly changing world around me. It is the experience of a little girl who grew up in South Beach, before it became the French Riviera of the US, when 90% of the population was over 70 and the rest were as poor as church mice. When you could skate in Flamingo park on Friday nights without fear of being raped, mugged or shot to death. When Lincoln Rd had cars. When Joe's Stone Crabs was the only restaurant in South Beach. I was a young woman who dreamed of "living happily ever after", and whose dreams were shattered in a world that posed more demands than I was prepared to handle.

My dream began in the 50's, which I regard as the last decade of the Age of Innocence. It was a time when we married, and then lived together, when coke was a soda pop, when pot was something you cooked in. When we got married, and then had babies. When we were supposed to find the "right man" get married and live happily ever after. So many times I would ask myself..."How did I end up with four marriages and divorces, five children, four ex-step children and countless in-laws? How could this have happened to a girl who had the innocence and hopes of every girl of my time? Where and why did things go wrong?

While there was a lot of pain and anger from the disillusion and oppression, I took the path of therapy, then eventually became a therapist, perhaps as a result of my own wounds and the need to heal them. Like many women, I had to cope to survive. There was a part in us which fixated on the dreams that could not be fulfilled, a fantasy that could only push us into a persona or neurosis. It was a difficult process of learning, but we grew up to have new perceptions, new self-concepts, and the joy of our new found freedom of realization. I'm still not sure of its success. Yes we have come a long way. But at such a price! I still wonder if it was worth it. And yet if you look at the cover of Cosmopolitan and other such magazines, you wonder really, how far have we come?

Mine is not a pretty story, or one that merits any deeming glory or collateral benefit. But, I learned a lot.... so much so, that I feel I must speak my truth. For if it can help others out there who share the same myth and whose lives have been damaged irreparably, and whose children have been severely impacted by divorce, multiple relationships, marriages and blended families, then I feel I must tell the whole story.

Women were sheltered by tradition, repressed by Victorianism and other social legacies. We so long carried the feminine collective unconscious, that eventually a fire in our bellies began to burn, gathering strength, accruing fuel for the great feminine explosion known as the women's movement or women's lib, and alas for some, the "great nervous breakdowns". Like the Phoenix, the mythical bird that rose from ashes, we too rose, giving birth to the 21st century Joan of Arcs who helped raise our female consciousness and destroy the myths.

Now that the dust is settling and women can reflect on what has happened, we can make our own choices, recognizing the outcomes and consequences. We have all paid the price for unenlightenment, revolution and extremism. Our history will hopefully serve as a road map to the future. Women, all of us, one way or another, must empower ourselves to become pathfinders and pioneers in a movement that will pave the way for a better tomorrow for our sons and daughters to hopefully reap the benefits of our myths and mistakes. The myths and mistakes of our time.