Archives for October 2015
Just got dumped? Filed for divorce? Your fiancé got cold feet and cancelled the wedding? Ex-wife wants to reconcile? Found out your honey had another on the side? No good guys/gals in sight? Don’t worry! Being solo for a while might be a refreshing surprise; that is, if you know what to do.
Staying sane and single can be a challenge, but can offer some pleasant surprises. Here are 7 tips to make the ride a pleasant journey.
#1 Begin to think of you first. Start making plans that include activities that you love to do. Sign up for a ski class, tennis class, yoga class, dance class, Spanish class, computer class, etc. Choose anything that you have wanted to do but your relationship swallowed up your time and didn’t allow for personal stuff to take center stage.
#2 Think vacation! Travel alone on a single’s cruise or a Club Med, or ask a friend or family member to get away for a few days. Sometimes, just a change of pace and scenery, can be liberating and help your healing.
#3 Take some time to discover you. Spend some nights alone and find that waking in the morning without a bed partner can be tolerable; perhaps even pleasant. For sure you won’t die! Try using meditation, say positive affirmations to yourself, (i.e.: I am a worthy person; I deserve happiness and joy; I am complete and lovable.) Take baths, pump iron, stretch, work out, read a book and watch old movies to entertain yourself. Gals its cheaper and more satisfying than spending time choosing an outfit, primping, applying make-up, and wearing shoes that kill your feet and your pocketbook. Guys, think of all the money you’ll save while taking time out to know yourself and going out with yourself. Go ahead: Veg out, chill out, zone out and have a good cry. It cleanses the soul! Journaling is a wonderful way to discharge your feelings and sharing time with good friends who are supportive and listen well is the best. It’s a great way to know who your real friends are. If you get challenged critically, judged or stone-walled, move on to new friends or a therapist who can provide an opportunity for personal growth and development. This break-up just might turn out to be a blessing in disguise. You may not see it now, but in time, as you look back you will realize that it was for the best. One of my favorite sayings, is “If God doesn’t open the door, stop banging on it! What’s behind was not meant for you!”
#4. Exercise! It worked for Forest Gump and it will work for you. Bike, run, walk, work out, swim or participate in a sport. Exercising is like exorcising. Revving up those endomorphins is a great release to rid you of bad feelings. Masturbation is not a bad idea either! You’ll meet a better class of people!
#5. Spend some quality time with your girlfriends. In the end, you’ll discover they matter the most anyway. Boyfriends come and go; husbands do the same; kids grow up and start their own lives, but girlfriends are forever. Furthermore, no one understands a chick’s pain better than another chick. Maybe you’ll have to pay for your own dinner, but the nurturing, empathy, understanding, support and friendship is well worth it. Dudes simply don’t have the programming in their brains to do what your girlfriends can do. A champion fight or basketball game will take precedent over a“let’s talk” every time.
#6. Pamper yourself. Get a massage; change your hair color or style, sign up for a spa day, relax! Nothing works like treating yourself like a princess.
#7 Check out some dating sites. See what’s out on the market. Most therapists would agree that spending alone time for a while is the best medicine, but nothing works better for enhancing self esteem than finding a dude who thinks you’re gorgeous and wants to get into yours pants. Remember, you are vulnerable, so you don’t want to put all your emotional eggs in a new basket, but it sure feels good to know that there’s a dude with a hard on just waiting for a response from you. One word of advice: Don’t let hot sex replace a good solid healthy adult relationship. Too often women make the mistake of confusing sex with love once they go between the sheets. If you have this problem, be aware. Chicks tend to project what they want to see on a dude when it’s not really who they are. So beware!
In reality, there really is no quick fix to get over a broken heart. Time, talking out your feelings, and having faith that things happen the way they are meant to be, are your best resources. Learning to let go, forgiving your dude and most of all, forgiving yourself for anything you might blame yourself for. Never look back with regrets. Shit happens, we go on to something that may be better than what we lost and we hold our heads high with dignity and the knowledge that we are too good to feel this bad!
When I went through a heartfelt break-up, it was my inner adult voice that I kept hearing. She spoke to me like a Wise Old Women residing in my soul. I know this archetypal energy exists in all of us. It was she who told me to write. So writing became my release, my nocturnal companion. It was writing that nurtured my wounds and discharged my pain. When my last lover chose to close the door to what I thought would be my last chance at love, I took to writing to a book. Still in process, it gives me a vehicle to let go and accept what I thought would be impossible.
Whether you write, paint, play an instrument, sing, dance or act, find your bliss, use it and I promise it will bring you the relief and transformation you yearn for. Trust that you have all the resources within you. Just look inside and give yourself permission to use what you already have. We already know what we don’t know that we already knew!